Limbo
Then I will be able to live here -
I have been living here.
My counselor and I discuss how I’ve been living in a non-reality. An uncertain time in between leaving the states, and not knowing if my visa would get extended, for another six months. I have been in New Zealand for two and a half years, starting with a year working holiday visa, and then three, six-month extensions, based on the fact New Zealand closed its international boarders as a way to address Covid-19.
I only imagined staying six months here - hiking, doing odd jobs for room and board. I even bought a plane ticket home, packed everything, and checked into my flight back to America. When I walked into the airport, I was packed to go home. I was prepared to return to reality.
The glass doors slid shut behind me as I scanned for United Airlines. My stomach turned. All the flight announcement boards were vacant. There were no queues. No agents. No sound. My footsteps echoed as I apporoached a group of travelers laying on their bags.
“Are you also catching the flight to Los Angelas?” I ask them.
One of them laughs in response and points to the singular flight board with writing on it in the entire airport. It has two lines on it. Nairobi, departing at 11:20 am and Los Angelas, CANCELED.
I wasn’t going home.
Waves of emotions washed over me - relief, joy, grief, anxiety. What was I going to do?
I called a family who hosted me for quarantine, asking if I could stay with them until I gathered my feet beneath me. From there I found odd end jobs, as my visa kept getting extended. A year or so in, my knee broke in jiu jitsu and required surgery. The procedure would be completely paid for and the rehab heavily subsidized with their health care system, so it made sense for me to stay.
The place was also starting to grow on me. It’s winterless north meant surfing and walking year-round. I became obsessed with jiu jitsu, found a carreer I could invest years in, and just felt in balance with life.
Now New Zealand’s international boarders are open, and there are no more extensions.
I have applied for my permanent work visa and am waiting for immigration to process it it.
Do I stay or do I go?
